In Western Pennsylvania, weather is pretty much unpredictable. But I’m thankful that the weather is starting to warm up because instead of sitting in front of the TV or somehow forced to be inside, parks are now my best friend. It’s still tough when I get to see the kids for just a few hours a couple of nights during the week. Pretty soon, I’m sure I will only see them on the weekends as their mom finishes her semester.
My kids love me – I can hear it in their voices because last night, in front of both my ex and me, my daughter blurts out that she wishes we were still married so that I didn’t have to leave.
She said it, not in a sad or frustrated tone, but one out of silliness. Yet, I still don’t know how to reply to her other than change the subject. I can remember one time my son told me that I needed to stay with them because they didn’t have a dad at their new place. My heart breaks for them.
I’m not some guy who just has kids and then leaves them with their mom and doesn’t want anything to do with them. Not at all. I very much want to be a part of their lives and yet the cards I’ve been dealt just stink. I think over the course of the year, I pay $13,000 in child support. I can’t claim them on taxes, which usually means I end up paying $1200 in taxes. I can’t afford to live on my own, so I’m living with my parents. One of my biggest fears right now is being that 30-40 year old who still lives with his parents.
[bctt tweet=”One of my biggest fears right now is being that 30-40 year old who still lives with his parents. #DivorcedDadProbs” username=”dadtography”]
My head hurts lately looking at the screen as much as I do. Especially with all this talk about bathrooms. I don’t even want to go there on that subject. How did this even become a thing … like before the bill was passed in NC? I just don’t get it.
Nearly one million people have pledged to boycott Target over bathroom policy https://t.co/N1ilazg3rY
— Fortune (@FortuneMagazine) April 28, 2016
In all of this, I think about my kids and what kind of world they’re going to be living in. In a nutshell, let me put it this way: they will be growing up in a world where there are no consequences for actions. Everything is justifiable because something may be seen as hurtful. The truth, believe it or not, can sometimes be hurtful. This world is not a rose-filled garden. Even if it were, roses still have thorns and the truth is that walking through them you’re going to get some cuts.
I know I haven’t been on here for a while, but life just has really gotten busy. Between working two jobs and getting to see my kids, it sometimes is a wonder that I have time to breathe. I don’t mean to come across that I’m ungrateful or complaining. It’s just this time in my life that sucks.
[bctt tweet=”Between working two jobs and kids, it is a wonder that I have time to breathe. #RealStrength” username=”dadtography”]
I’m waiting for the day where I can enjoy the nice weather and not be overly concerned about the other things that tend to bring me down. People posts so many different pictures of them having fun in far off places or going out to eat with friends. That along with all the other non-sense being posted on social media has caused me to take a serious break from it. I feel like all it does is bring up unwanted sad feelings.
I’m very proud of my son who will be playing and just randomly ask another kid what his/her name is. He does it without any hesitation. I’m sort of jealous that I can’t be like that. Is that a phase we grow out of?
Yesterday, I was extremely proud of him. Some siblings were playing at a fast food place and were pretending to fight. The kids were not much older than mine. But Parker stepped in between them because he didn’t want to see them kicking and punching each other. On the way home, I told the kids I didn’t want to see or hear that they fight like this. Kenzie informed me that “we don’t fight and we don’t ever want to fight.” I told her one day I would quote her on that.