I confess I now fully understand why some men leave their children. It’s not necessarily justifiable or right, but it’s a reason nonetheless and I really, honestly do get it now.
Hear me out. Keep reading. Don’t stop.
This post isn’t about good men or bad men; it’s also not a post about women – good or bad. This is a post about struggling to be present as a co-parent, as told from the perspective of a dad that’s discouraged at every turn. Sure, some fathers are unreasonable and petty as well. The street goes both ways in many cases. But this is my blog, not yours.
I’m convinced that some fathers (parents) bail because they get tired of dealing with their unreasonable ex. Sometimes, you are the reason they leave. Sometimes, their need to get away from you outweighs their will to see their children. They get tired of the petty nonsense that some relationships become after people split.
Everyone has a different limit to what they can take. But all parents that leave do a simple cost / benefit analysis and the “numbers” just don’t add up for them. They’re faced with an ex that’s beyond reason, that seemingly behaves the way they do on purpose and with malice – maybe even in an attempt to convince the other parent to just bail.
Maybe in some circumstances it’s best that they do just bail. But I’m convinced children need both of their parents to feel whole. The fact of the matter is that many parents – fathers and mothers alike, don’t let go of their feelings and emotions after their relationship ends and they drag it out – sometimes for years.
How long has it been for you? Are you still holding on to the past?
[bctt tweet=”Admit it. Sometimes you do it just to piss them off #CoParenting #Divorce” username=”dadtography”]
Are you still trying to “punish” your ex for what they did to you in the past? If so, stop. Stop right now and get over yourself. Who pays the price for your selfish behavior?
The kids do.
Yes, of course. We all know that, and yet, some of us still continue to do it. Some of us continue on with our petty, nonsensical, childish behavior.
I sometimes want to bail.
But I never (ever) will. It’s just not in me to leave him. I can’t live without being in my son’s life.
“Petty Looks Good On You”, Said No Co-Parent. Ever.
Are you a petty person? Most of us would respond out of instinct with an emphatic “NO!”.
So, let me rephrase the question. Are you a petty person after your relationships end?
Yes, some of us are. And it’s harming our children.
If you’re being a petty co-parent then stop. Stop right now. Grow up and do what’s best for your children.
I’m faced with petty, maddening situations on a regular basis and, for the most part, I choose not to participate. I choose to be a parent to my son first. But everyone has their breaking point. Mine involves writing a blog post.
[bctt tweet=”‘Petty looks good on you’ said no co-parent, ever.” username=”dadtography”]
Get over it, grow up and be a parent.
If you’re the type that just wants to fight, ask yourself, “What’s the point?” If you’ve been apart for years, isn’t it time to move on? Being petty is stupid, unproductive and harmful to your kids and as parents, we just need to grow up.
If petty is what you’ve become in your relationship, grow up. Some men bail – and I don’t blame them. Because they just don’t want to put up with petty nonsense any more.
But my son is worth it to me. My son is worth putting up with my unreasonable ex so that I can maintain a relationship with him.
In spite of her.
I’m no picture of perfection – don’t get me wrong. But I am reasonable, if nothing else.