While I appreciate the effort you put into your ad and the pages and pages of (highly unnecessary) details you’ve included, I think your efforts may be a bit misplaced. I just thought I would show some one-sided courtesy and attempt to assist you in your quest for that “perfect” mate that you so desperately desire.

Daters, Please Don’t Have Unrealistic Expectations

First of all, be realistic. Honestly consider what you have to offer and what you seek. Your profile says you’d like to find a “college-educated, hip, fit, attractive, & established” person. No offense, but I really don’t think that is likely gonna happen for ya. Those “college-educated, hip, fit, attractive & established” people usually tend to prefer the same and not mullet-sporting, cammo-wearing, toothless specimens such as yourself. If you’re grossly overweight, balding, more back hair than Yogi Bear and/or your boobs sag to your knees, the likelihood of you finding a calendar model that wants to date you on are slim-to-none. That doesn’t mean that you don’t have some redeeming qualities and that there may be someone out there for you. It takes all types to make the world go around. You’re beautiful in your own way.  In some special way, you do get an “A” for effort, but you’re really just providing those of us that are bored at work some entertainment.  Please, continue to post your profiles with your less-than-realistic descriptions and expectations.  What else would we do during the day if you didn’t?

Daters, Please Proofread

Second – PROOFREAD & SPELL CHECK. All those “college educated, hip, fit, attractive, and established” people you seek are sure to see through your post that looks and reads a lot like a kindergartener’s first attempt at forming sentences. If you must post your profile on here, then please put a little effort into it and actually spell your words correctly (use spell check if you must) and proofread them, for God’s sake. How can you complain about the lack of intelligent, coherent, quality dates when we can barely read your profile without the help of our six-year-old neighbor? It just doesn’t make sense.

Daters, Please Be Honest

Third – be HONEST. For example, don’t say you’re looking for a long term relationship when all you’re REALLY looking for is a one-night-stand. Don’t say you’re single when you’re not. Yeah, this probably applies more to the guys out there.  Guys, ladies are not idiots. I know that may come as a shock to you, but they’re really not. They’re going to figure it out and when (when, not if) they do what will you look like?  That’s right, you’ll look like a douche bag. You don’t want to look like a douche bag, do you?  No, you don’t so just don’t lie.

Online Daters, Post Pictures

Fourth – post a picture. And when I say a picture, I mean a picture of you.  A clear one, please.  Of your FACE.  Preferably from this decade. And no, a picture of your brother/sister/cousin/uncle/neighbor/celebrity that looks JUST like you doesn’t count. Pictures of your house, car, motorcycle, boat, dog, cat, hamster, picturesque landscape, funny cartoons, and the like do not count, either.  To be quite frank, we don’t give a shit about that stuff anyway.  I know, it’s kinda sticking your neck out there a bit posting an actual picture of YOU on the interwebs. But isn’t that what your ad is doing as well – sticking your neck out there?  Also, please don’t be a hypocrite and request (or even classier, still – DEMAND) pictures if you don’t provide them yourself.  You may have crafted the most eloquently written ad the world has seen in years, describing how wonderful your life is, how fast your car is and how great your abs look after putting in all that time in the gym. When you don’t post a picture to follow that up, guess what?  You may as well have just voted for Sara Palin because it’s not gonna matter, anyway.  If you’re so great, show us! Don’t look down your nose at us behind the anonymity of the internet just to make yourself feel better.  And please don’t waste our precious time.

There you have it, Unrealistic Internet Daters. Some words of wisdom, just for you. I hope you take what you’ve read here to heart and with a grain of salt. Keep your chin up and keep reaching for the stars!

Take Care,

Internet Personals Reader

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