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When contractual agreements are finally agreed upon and signed, the prior emotional upheaval created during divorce proceedings can create a list of regrets. To avoid emotional or ill informed mistakes, you’ll want to attempt to gain the upper hand with civility and strength. Dealing with your ex spouse’s divorce lawyer will require a calm, calculated and practical approach.


Divorce Tip #1 – Hold it In and Deflect

The aforementioned emotional trigger-finger is an easy target for your spouse’s divorce lawyer to hone in on. Regardless of the blatant or underhanded comments and/or demands your ex-to-be or his or her attorney hurls your way, deflect, deflect, deflect. As in most cases, keeping your cool will reap greater benefits in the long run. In fact, you may be able to turn the tables on them and get them to act irrationally and make a mistake.

If you do decide to bottle things up, just be sure to keep your mental health in check in the long-term. Divorce is difficult enough as it is.


…deflect, deflect, deflect

Divorce Tip #2 –  Remain Active

I’m not talking physical fitness here, although, that is important when going through a divorce as well.

Let your attorney know beforehand that you will be an active participant in the process including viewing pertinent documents from both sides. If your spouse’s attorney attaches transcripts of any harsh, untrue or other potentially damaging language that your attorney misses, you may be able to have it removed before it goes on record.

Your attorney is your attorney, but playing an active part in the proceedings can save you time, money and headaches in the end. Don’t assume your attorney will catch everything. Attorneys may go through the everyday, rote process, sometimes clients are the ones to catch forgotten information that may pertain to protecting themselves from their adversary’s misinformed or potential, underhanded practices.

Don’t assume your attorney will catch everything.

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Divorce Tip #3 – Educate Yourself

Do the best you can to educate yourself on your rights and how your particular state plays a role in that. Often, the court you are filing with will offer anything from an informational packet to an actual class allowing you to learn about your pending divorce. Avoid sitting through negotiations like a ‘deer in the headlights’ and seek out a capable court clerk, ask your attorney, purchase a text or go online to the chamber of commerce, town hall, state or court’s website to seek self-education help.

Also, if you can educate yourself about your spouse’s attorney regarding their work record, reputation and overall personality this may also create an advantageous edge for you and your attorney. The more you know the better off you’ll be.

The more you know the better off you’ll be.

Divorce Tip #4 – Stay Realistic and be Willing to Concede

Expecting your attorney to treat your spouse’s attorney like a sworn enemy is unrealistic. Lawyers are often working peers that are simply trying to make a living just like everyone else. Ask your attorney how well they know your adversary. If they have a friendship it may work to your benefit especially if you remain calmer than your spouse during the process.

In addition, holding on to material items out of spite will only pour fuel on the fire. Know when to concede to requests for things that will not make a difference in the years to come.

Your attorney and your ex’s attorney aren’t enemies. Don’t expect them to act like they are.

Divorce Tip #5 – Watch the Bill

In some divorce proceedings, covering your spouse’s attorney fees is one of the contract points that may come your way. If this is the case and you agree to it, then requesting detailed statements from your ex’s billing log should be within your rights. Going over such billing with a keen eye can sometimes save you money. This should be applied to your own attorney as well.

With that in mind, most attorneys require a retainer and then bill against that money. When you run out, you usually will have to “re-up” with them and pay them again. Everything you do with your attorney will cost you money – from consults to phone calls. They’re always on the clock.

Keep your cool, even when things get a bit hairy. Talk to your own lawyer and do your best to have as little contact with your spouse and his or her lawyer as possible. The process will be far behind you before you know it.

…from consults to phone calls, they’re always on the clock.

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